Single Guys And Christmas

I don't send out Christmas cards. Am I supposed to? I assume that I'm not, but every year, as my mailbox coughs out a cardboard river of Christmas cheer, I wonder if I'm being grinchy. Then I spiral into self-centered fear, picturing my friends and family all sitting around their dinner tables, icily noting my non-participation in this festive Christmas ritual."Say, did we send Joe Daly another card this year?""Yeah hon, we do every year.""Did he send us one?""Um... I didn't see one, but I'm sure he...""That selfish motherfuc...""John!""What? Is it so hard to take a picture of yourself and send it to a few people at Christmas?""Well, no, it's not, but he doesn't have a family.""What the hell does that matter? Sorry, kids... It's just that every year, we send him a card and he never reciprocates.""That's true, but he might be very busy.""Busy? (snorts) That's a laugh. The guy walks his dogs five times a day. He's got an hour to send out Christmas cards. He's just selfish and lousy.""Do we have to have this conversation now?""Does he ever thank us for sending one? They're not free, you know.""Hon, I don't think people send Thank You notes for Christmas cards.""Well he should. Fucking ingrate.""John!""Sorry... No more Christmas card for him next year. Got it?""Ok, hon..." That's where my mind goes. Sometimes the scenario ends with the family throwing a picture of me into the roaring Christmas fire. But I'm pretty sure that single guys with no kids aren't expected to send Christmas cards. Feels a bit narcissistic, doesn't it? If one of my buddies sent me a picture of himself and his dog or cat, wearing some jaunty holiday sweater and Santa cap, sitting on a thick patch of green grass, I'd wonder what the hell was wrong with him. Probably wouldn't call him anymore. I mean, that's just weird, right? Right?